Family

Taming the Tongue: Parents and Youth Sports

L SoccerHer soccer coach calls her “Big Foot.” She’s probably the smallest player on the team, but don’t tell her. Our youngest daughter has made it her goal in life to ignore her own size and play like the big kids (a.k.a. her older siblings). As a result, she has a “go big or go home” attitude on the field. On a few occasions that has resulted in scoring as many as six goals in a single game. It has also led to at least a couple confrontations on the field from opposing coaches for her unorthodox tactics (hey, the ref never blew a whistle). But most of all, it displays a zeal for the game and pure joy in doing what she loves.

With kids’ sports, especially when they are young, problems don’t generally come from the kids. Sure there might be a foul here or a trip there, but the little ones are in it for the fun. The problems are usually generated by parents, and I have been part of the problem.

In a move to curb some of the problems created by parents at soccer games, the South Carolina Youth Soccer Association is calling for a “Silent September” this fall. CNN reports:

Heckling referees is practically a tradition in any sport, but South Carolina youth soccer officials feel it’s gone too far. Come September, they’re instituting a new rule: “No cheering, no jeering.” Overeager parents will get two warnings. If they don’t pipe down the third time, they’ll be kicked out. The state’s Youth Soccer Association is calling this code of conduct “Silent September.” And it’s cracking down after problems with parents who are verbally, and even physically, aggressive toward referees—some of whom are still kids themselves.[1]

As we signed up a couple of our children for fall soccer over the weekend, I was hit with a twinge of conviction. How do I conduct myself at the games? I am admittedly a very competitive person whose days of playing sports at any level are basically over. I love watching my children play, but I have raised my voice in criticism of officials far too many times. I have thrown my hands up in the air as if the integrity of the game was at risk due to one inconsequential call. I have even tried to shout instructions to my kids from the stands when I am not the coach.

With this next season of sports coming quickly, I want to redouble my efforts to be a supportive, positive parent at the games. Thankfully the Bible has much to say about the use of our tongues—if only we will take it to heart. These admonitions clearly apply to the way we should conduct ourselves at children’s sporting events.

So also the tongue is a small part of the body, and yet it boasts of great things. See how great a forest is set aflame by such a small fire! And the tongue is a fire, the very world of iniquity; the tongue is set among our members as that which defiles the entire body, and sets on fire the course of our life, and is set on fire by hell. For every species of beasts and birds, of reptiles and creatures of the sea, is tamed and has been tamed by the human race. But no one can tame the tongue; it is a restless evil and full of deadly poison. With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in the likeness of God; from the same mouth come both blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not to be this way. (James 3: 5-10)

Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear. (Ephesians 4:29)

A soothing tongue is a tree of life, but perversion in it crushes the spirit. (Proverbs 15:4)

I want to be a parent who encourages, edifies, and inspires with my words. I don’t want to be “that parent” at the game who yells at the officials and demands perfection from everyone at a child’s game. These children are not professionals, nor are the officials. May we as parents not ruin the sport by our words.

Before the start of every game, I hope to join King David in his prayer:

Set a guard, O Lord, over my mouth; keep watch over the door of my lips. (Psalm 141:3)

[1] Nancy Coleman, “‘No cheering, no jeering’: South Carolina tells overzealous parents at soccer games to zip it,” CNN.com, 7 July 2017.

Theological Matters: The Forgotten Value of Time with Our Children

LenowTXRangerThis post originally appeared at Theological Matters on May 2. You can read the full post here.

Last month, I took my 10-year-old daughter to a baseball game. It was just the two of us. Our other three children were home with my wife. For nearly four hours, we spent time together in the car and at the stadium. My phone mostly stayed in my pocket (except for taking and posting a few photos), and we talked.

Over the course of the game, we talked about the rules of baseball; I showed her how to tell if the umpire was calling a ball or strike; we even met the people sitting next to us and talked about their experiences watching baseball. My daughter got randomly selected to receive a game-used baseball during the game because she was wearing her Texas Rangers shirt and hat. Clearly, it was a wonderful evening at the ballpark.

The value of that time at the game was priceless. Had it not been for a letter that my 12-year-old daughter penned to my own mother, this opportunity would likely never have manifested itself. Back in November, as the kids were making out their own Christmas wish lists, my oldest daughter put a letter in the mail asking my parents to buy me season tickets to the Texas Rangers for Christmas.

Her motives were pure. She knew how much I loved watching the Rangers play baseball on television. We went to a few games last season and loved every minute. The final reason that tugged at our heartstrings was when she said that she missed being able to go with me to a game—just the two of us—and spend time together. Although my wife and I intercepted the letter before it ever made it to my parents’ house, the letter still had an impact. Last week, I started the summer-long goal of taking each of my four children to at least one baseball game by ourselves.

My second daughter was overjoyed about the opportunity to go first. She has a memory of getting a ball at the game that will never fade from her mind. I even stopped on the way home at 10 p.m. to get ice cream—something only a dad would do. But most of all, we simply spent time together.

We talked. We listened. We slowed down.

If your life is anything like ours, you are busy. . . .

*Read the rest of the post here.

Guest Post: 5 Family Benefits of Children’s Sports

football_pallo_valmiina-croppedThis is a guest post from my wife, Melanie. She originally wrote this post for Biblical Woman, the blog site for the Women’s Programs at Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary. The post originally appeared here.

We’ve all seen the reality shows of girls on hyper competitive dance squads or young boys playing tackle football with the intensity of a college game day. We’ve heard the warnings of strained muscles from over-use and understand the consequences of an over-scheduled childhood.

When it comes time to plan fall activities for my children, I find myself seeking for God-given wisdom.

I don’t want to become my own version of a crazed, sports parent, but I can definitely see the benefit of childhood sports in the life of my family. Our children are signed up for various team sports and I know my fall schedule looks much like so many other moms – driving from one practice to another, filling up water bottle after water bottle, and washing jerseys at the midnight hour.

My kids aren’t the stars, and who knows if they will get college scholarships, but for this stage in our lives, sports are a blessing to our family. Here’s why:

  1. They Promote Family Activity. One of my daughters runs cross-country for her school. She needs to practice on the weekend by running, so we all get out and go to the track with her. During my son’s soccer practice, it is easy to bring an extra ball to kick around with the other kids. We try to use practices and lessons to promote activity for all of us.
  2. They Promote Family Unity and Sportsmanship. Unless there is a scheduling conflict, all six of us go to every game or race and we do our best to pay attention (i.e. very limited electronics). We all learn how to cheer for and encourage each other. My youngest caught on to this very quickly. This is her first season to play soccer and, after many seasons of cheering on her siblings, the thing she is most looking forward to is “the sisters and bubba screaming and cheering my name.” All children benefit from being cheered for and being a cheerleader for someone else.
  3. They Promote Positive Friendships. Friendships develop quickly when there is a common goal. A sports team can immediately give a connection point with a new friend. Many times, the only thing I have in common with another mom is that our kids play on the same team, but even that has opened the door to some great relationships. Of course, a parent has to use the same caution in handling friends on teams as they do with friends at school. However, the ability to quickly connect with various families in the community is a blessing of organized sports.
  4. They Promote Hard Work. Practicing is hard. Working as a team is hard. Learning new skills is hard. However, the lesson is when you work hard, the task gets easier and the benefits increase. My second daughter swam on a city swim team this summer. She was not the best on the team, but she worked very hard at learning her strokes and understanding the details of racing. I took the opportunity to record her times to show her how she was improving greatly. She learned the lesson that hard work pays off, even if no one can see it.
  5. They Promote a Deeper Relationship Between Parent and Child. There are sports that, quite frankly, I knew nothing about until one of my kids showed an interest in it or an opportunity arose for them to play. So I quickly tried to learn as we went and do the best I could to understand that little part of their world. The times we practice together, whether kicking a soccer ball or hitting a volleyball back and forth, are times that I hope my children remember their parents investing time into their life.

Childhood sports do have the potential to be life-consuming and competition-driven. However, if you take a more moderate approach, you can see the great opportunities you have as a parent when your child plays. With much prayer and God-given wisdom, you can benefit greatly from sports and it can be a blessing in the life of your family. Take time this fall, in the business of a full schedule, to notice and reflect on the different opportunities God may give you through your child’s sports.

The Name of the Game: Keeping a Good Reputation in Sports

CSM Shots Of The Week 2016:  MAY 16*My recent post at Theological Matters addresses the issue of sports, reputation, and children. The full post is available here.

From halfway around the world, I got a message from my wife—“Have you seen the replays of Odor punching Bautista?” We are baseball fans in my family, and we religiously follow the Texas Rangers. My wife kept me updated while I was on a recent trip to the republic of Georgia.

Rougned Odor is the up-and-coming, fiery second baseman for the Rangers. Jose Bautista is the perennial all-star outfielder for the Toronto Blue Jays. After a series of bat flips, hard slides, and trash talking stretching back to last season, the bad blood came to its zenith with Odor’s hard right hook to the jaw of Bautista. The replays of the fight between these two players blew up the feeds on my social media page, and it has been the talk of Major League Baseball for days.

In a moment of confession, I have to admit that I felt a little satisfaction after watching the replay for the first time. It was retribution for Bautista’s home run that effectively ended the season for the Rangers last year. But then I started thinking about my son. What would I think if he landed a right hook to the jaw of an opposing player? What if he taunted the pitcher after hitting a ball over the fence?

Read the rest of the article on Theological Matters.

Of Parental Rights: My Letter to Fort Worth Independent School District Board Members

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Cowtown, Texas (a.k.a. Fort Worth) is generally a fairly quiet place to live. For nearly a decade, I have called this place home. Three of my four children are native-born Texans. While every city has its warts, I have thoroughly enjoyed the slow-paced, down-to-earth culture of the place where the West begins.

However, in recent days there have been developments within our little slice of Texan paradise that have made me wonder if I am living in New York, Los Angeles, or (gasp) Dallas. Just last week news headlines started appearing that the Fort Worth Independent School District had enacted new guidelines regarding transgender students and bathroom/locker room use. Such guidelines never appeared on a FWISD meeting agenda, nor did the school board seek public comment. The new guidelines seem to be the work of Superintendent Kent Scribner. Yesterday, Lt. Governor Dan Patrick called on Superintendent Scribner to resign.

The gist of the guidelines follow the same pattern that Target has recently touted in its bathroom policies. There are also provisions related to private bathroom facilities, athletic teams, and school counselors. In essence, FWISD schools are now to allow students to use whichever restroom matches the gender with which they currently identify. Students may play on athletic teams of the gender with which they identify unless that sport is regulated by the University Interscholastic League (UIL), which states that student athletes can only play on gender-specific teams according to the gender listed on the student’s birth certificate.

There is also a significant statement in the section entitled “Privacy and Confidentiality.” In this section, the guidelines read:

All students have a right to privacy. This includes keeping a student’s actual or perceived gender identity and expression private. School personnel may only share this information on a need-to-know basis or as the student directs. This includes sharing information with the student’s parent or guardian. When contacting the parent or guardian of a transgender student, school personnel must use the student’s legal name and the pronoun corresponding to the student’s gender assigned at birth unless the student, parent, or guardian has specified otherwise.

Since the FWISD school board meets again tonight, I have sent the following letter to my specific board representative as well as the board president, first vice president, and second vice president. Even though there are many different approaches for addressing an issue like this, I have focused on the parental rights angle. I hope you find this letter helpful.

Dear School Board Member (specific names used in actual letters):

As a resident in FWISD District 6 and a parent of 4 children, I am greatly troubled by the new transgender student guidelines. Without any opportunity for public comment nor any opportunity for constituents to contact their school board members, FWISD has enacted politically-motivated, controversial, and potentially damaging policies. Of particular concern is the section of the guidelines that notes the following:

“All students have a right to privacy. This includes keeping a student’s actual or perceived gender identity and expression private. School personnel may only share this information on a need-to-know basis or as the student directs. This includes sharing information with the student’s parent or guardian.”

I have four school-age children. Their well-being and livelihood is the responsibility of my wife and myself. No government agency, school employee, or educator has the right to usurp my authority as a parent. Parents should always be informed of issues that happen at school. The school should never intentionally withhold information from parents. This is government overreach at a most egregious level.

For this reason, I respectfully ask you to call for the school board to rescind these new guidelines immediately. At the very least, the entire school board should suspend the guidelines, take up this issue with great caution, and receive input from the constituents whom they represent. Action like this on the part of the school board contributes to a culture of distrust for the school board on the part of Fort Worth’s residents.

Thank you for your time and service to our community. If you would like to discuss this further, my contact information is listed below.

Evan Lenow, Ph.D.
(Contact information included in original letters)
If you would like to contact members of the FWISD school board, their names and emails are listed below. Remember to keep it succinct, direct, and respectful.
Jacinto “Cinto” Ramos, Jr. – jacinto.ramos@fwisd.org

Tobi Jackson – tobi.jackson@fwisd.org
Christene Chadwick Moss – christene.moss@fwisd.org
Theophlous Aron Sims, Sr. – ta.sims@fwisd.org
Judy Needham – judy.needham@fwisd.org
Ann Sutherland – ann.sutherland@fwisd.org
Norman Robbins – norman.robbins@fwisd.org
Matthew Avila – matthew.avila@fwisd.org
Ashley Paz – ashley.paz@fwisd.org

To find your specific board member, a map is available here and the list of board members by district is located here.

A copy of the new guidelines can be found at the end of this news story.

Guest Post: Loving Well During the Holiday Season

SONY DSCThis is a guest post from my wife, Melanie. She originally wrote this post for Biblical Woman, the blog site for the Women’s Programs at Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary. The post originally appeared here.

“A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another. By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.” (Jn 13:34-35)

A few years ago, my family moved into an older house in a well-established neighborhood. One of my favorite views is looking out over my kitchen sink, because my neighbor has a beautiful red oak standing majestically in her front yard. This time of year that tree is set ablaze with every shade of red and orange. The owner of the house is a precious lady, a widow. She and her late husband were the original builders of their home and have lived there ever since. You better believe she has some stories to tell! Over the weekend, I was trying to hastily load the kids into the van with the goal of whisking them off to another practice, event, or rehearsal. I looked across the street and saw my sweet neighbor, whose hair is the same color of her stately oak, by the way, slowly walking down her driveway to pick up some trash that had blown in her yard.

Something made me stop and watch her for a moment. God brought to my mind the contrast between the two of us; me in my haste and her in her slow, intentional, deliberate motions. I knew a very busy season was ahead of me and it made me stop and reflect on my actions. I was reminded that the Lord created me for good works and to love others. However, loving others would not come naturally and good works would not happen this season unless I was intentional and deliberate in my actions, just like my sweet neighbor. Here are some ideas that have come to mind on how I want to love well during the holidays.

  1. Open My Eyes– It might not be realistic to slow down during the Christmas season. Many of our jobs or family commitments simply lend themselves to a full calendar. However, I want to open my eyes to those around me. As I go, I want to love others. As I drive carpool, I can show kindness to my children. As I check out at the grocery store, I can encourage those working. As I am shopping, I can ask the clerk how her day has been. It is so easy to be task-oriented. However, I want to stay people oriented, so that as I accomplish my to-do list, I am also making an impact for Christ on those around me.
  2. Notice the Needs– We have an ongoing joke in our family that goes something like this- “It’s not lost until momma can’t find it.” Yes, some people in my family are more observant than others. However, that same principle can go for the needs around us as well. Christ, on numerous occasions, took notice of a need that everyone else had ignored. He stopped to help the blind man. He stopped to help the woman with an issue of blood. He stopped to minister to the family who had lost their daughter. As I go about my days, intentionally opening my eyes, I want pay attention to observe the needs around me. Is someone lonely? Is someone discouraged? Could someone use some extra groceries or a special gift just for them? We can minister to others so deeply when we reach out to meet their needs.
  3. Give Much Grace– We all want the Norman Rockwell Christmas with the perfect family gathering of laughter and well-behaved children. We want our homes to look like something out of a magazine. We want to create precious memories with our children that will last a lifetime. These are all good desires, but bad idols. In the blink of an eye, a honorable desire gets out of hand when we put it above the people in our lives and above the God who created it all. Life happens, and in our quest for perfection, the slightest inconvenience can lead to irritation. Therefore, to love well means to shower much grace on those around you, and while you are at it, give yourself much grace as well. Be quick to forgive, even the slightest irritation, for joy is like treasure this time of year. Do not exchange the Joy of the Season for the root of bitterness. God has filled our cup with grace overflowing simply by sending His son as a baby to this Earth. Delight in that grace and forgiveness and love others just as well.

Religious Liberty as the Foundation for Pro-Life and Pro-Family Policies

Just over three weeks ago, I spent several days in Salt Lake City attending the World Congress of Families IX. I was privileged to speak during one of the plenary sessions on the closing day of the congress. The title of my session was “Religious Liberty as the Foundation for Pro-Life and Pro-Family Policies.” Video from my session (and many others) is now available on the WCF YouTube channel.

As part of my presentation, I noted that there are three distinct areas where we can see the influence of religious liberty in support of pro-life and pro-family policies. These three areas are marriage, healthcare, and education.

In my conclusion, I noted the following:

At the end of the day, religious liberty sets the foundation upon which we can build the best pro-life and pro-family policies. However, these policies are not simply going to come about because a nation has religious liberty protections. Such policies are still dependent upon people of faith exercising their beliefs in the public square to give a convincing argument for why God’s design for life and family is the most beneficial for the good of society. It is when people of faith practice their faith in a society that respects their right to freely exercise such faith that we will see the most effective pro-life and pro-family policies.

I was honored to be a part of the program for the World Congress of Families. The mission of WCF is to “provide sound scholarship and effective strategies to affirm and defend the natural family, thus encouraging a sustainable and free society.” This was the first congress held in the United States. I attended my first congress in Warsaw, Poland in 2007.

On a personal note, it was fun to “teach” a little Baptist history to such an ecumenical group. In fact, most of the questions I received throughout the rest of the day related to church history. It reminded me how little people know about the history of Christianity and how important it is to continue teaching our history as Christians (and Baptists).