Guest Post: How Marriage Is a Good Thing

August 29, 2014 ~ Evan Lenow ~ 1 Comment

This is a guest post from my wife, Melanie. She originally wrote this post for Biblical Woman, the blog site for the Women’s Programs at Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary. The post originally appeared here.

We believe that marriage was created by God as a covenant between one man and one woman for the purpose of communicating the relationship between God Himself and His people; that biblical marriage is the only rightful relationship for sexual expression; that women are called to honor God in marriage by submitting to their own husbands voluntarily and purposefully (Gen 2:24-25; 1 Cor 7:1-5; Eph 5:22-33; Col 3:18-19; 1 Pet 3:1-7; Heb 13:4).

Last night, I sat at a table full of wonderful ladies embarking on another year of seminary for their husbands. This year’s theme for this particular group is Proverbs 18:22. The Lord has been working in my heart and mind lately about how marriage is such a “good thing.” I am so grateful God blessed me with my husband almost 12 years ago. It’s not necessarily because my husband and I are walking around in a sea of marital bliss and our lives are filled with ease and euphoric charity with each other all day long. Quite the contrary, we have just recently come out of a very hard year in the life of our family. We love each other more than ever, and respect and value each other in ways that we never did before. However, in the hardest times of the last year and a half as well as the best times of recent days, God has constantly reminded me that marriage is a “good thing.”

Why is this so? Surely, in our highly individualized, self-sufficient culture, God could see that one would do just fine on their own. Nope. That is not how God sees it. God created marriage and created His people to be in a covenantal relationship meant to last a lifetime.

Here are 3 ways marriage really is a good thing.

We are unified with our husbands. My husband and I do pre-marital counseling and I share with sweet couples often this reality: If you are having communication problems or forgiveness problems or times when one of you is simply demanding your way too much, it will show up in your physical relationship. God, in His great wisdom, created us for unity in heart and body, and you can’t have one without the other. In a different aspect, the writer of Hebrews says this, “Marriage is to be held in honor among all, and the marriage bed is to be undefiled; for fornicators and adulterers God will judge.” Sex, within the context of marriage, works to protect ourselves from the pitfalls of sexual sins. Just like a loving parent sets up boundaries for their children to protect them, God has established the boundaries of marriage to protect his children from the grave dangers of illicit sexual behavior. In marriage, you are unified and are a testimony to the lost world. This is a good thing.
In our companionship, we offer balance. Do you ever notice that ladies are less likely to be catty if husbands are around? Let’s face it, we women have a tendency to rile each other up and feed off of the frenzy of gossip and lavish stories. However, in a co-ed setting, the environment is a bit more even-keeled. In the same vein, when it is only men together, all sorts of barbaric activities ensue. Simply visit a group of bachelors living together. There will be sights and sounds and smells that are not allowed in a civil society. A lady brings class and beauty to a group of men; and a man brings gravity and fortitude to a group of ladies. In His great wisdom and knowledge, He made us different, yet so fitted for each other. Therefore, because we all need it so very badly, balance is a good thing.
A chain of command. Have you ever heard the phrase, “There are too many chiefs and not enough Indians”? Usually, I heard this around Thanksgiving when all of the ladies in my family were crammed into the kitchen, each intent on doing their cooking their own way. What came of it? Chaos. Finally, when one woman took charge (usually the actual owner of the kitchen), everything calmed down. One person made the casseroles and one person washed the dishes and one person made sure nothing was burning and so the list of tasks went on. This is the same way in a marriage. God is not a God of chaos, but of order. We are all His children, and God desires a personal relationship with each of us individually. However, in the home, the husband is the head. He is the leader who will answer to God for the choices he makes for the family. The wife is the helper who assists her husband in whatever way is needed. As her husband submits to God, so she submits to her husband. If she is fighting for the role of headship of the family, only chaos will come. As I mentioned before, over the last year, my husband and I went through a difficult time where many decisions had to be made. I can honestly say that I never understood the benefit of submission until this time in our lives. There were times, when I would absolutely disagree with my husband. However, I trusted him and I trusted God to use him for His glory. In EVERY situation, God was faithful, and I was reminded how wise and honorable my husband is. Another word for submission is yielding. In our case, I would state my opinion and then willingly yield. My husband would make the best decision he knew to make and we would wait. Again, EVERY time, my husband’s decision worked out. Now, on this side of the trial, I admire and trust my husband more than ever. Yes, submission is a good thing.

I only have experience in one marriage and that is my own. However, I assume that most people wonder, at some point, if marriage really is a good thing. I pray that, no matter the circumstances, you will know in your heart of hearts that the answer is yes. We hold firm to the book of Proverbs and proclaim in agreement, “He who finds a wife, finds a good thing.” Lastly, marriage is a good thing, because the One who created it is good. Psalm 145:9 says, “The Lord is good to all, and His mercies are over all His works.”

He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.

~Proverbs 18:22

Guest Post: Homeschooling: 3 Things I’ve Learned

August 6, 2014 ~ Evan Lenow ~ 1 Comment

This fall, we are entering our fifth year of homeschooling. Our third child will start kindergarten, so we will officially have more children in school than not. Over the last few years, I have learned many things about my children’s learning styles, temperaments, and intellect. However, in the same way, I have learned a great amount about who I am and how God created me.

As a mom who teaches my children at home, I have come to understand that it is vital for me to know who I am and be content in who God created me to be. If you are familiar with “The Four Temperaments,” I am a sanguine. As such, I like to make the home fun. I can handle any disaster with humor and a good dance session. However, I struggle with hyper-organization. Oftentimes, my children have an easier time of staying on schedule than I do. Embracing these observations in myself and diligently not comparing myself to others of different personalities has given me the freedom to run my house in a way that works for us and accomplishes God’s purposes at the same time.

These are a few tips that I have begun to use that make homeschooling work for us.

We have a rhythm, not a schedule. As I mentioned before, firm day-to-day schedules overwhelm me. Therefore, my family functions on a rhythm. We all get up at the same time, get dressed, eat breakfast, and then start school. My benchmark for this is 9:00 a.m. It is my goal to transition from household duties into our school day by this time. Once our school day gets started, each of my kids has a different order in which to do their work. This allows me to work with each of the children one-on-one at various times of the morning. Again, the most important concept to me is not that we stay within the exact time frame, but that the children know, once they finish a certain task, it is time for the next. At 10:30, we all take a break. They play outside while I usually switch the laundry from washer to dryer or something exciting like that. I have found that I do better when I can see tangible accomplishments throughout the day. So in the midst of working on reading with my first grader (a more long-term task), I feel accomplished because I completed a load of laundry. After break, we come back together for more schooling. We break again at lunch, and then the older children finish whatever schoolwork they haven’t already completed. They also practice their musical instruments or play sports. Therefore, a specific time might look different each day, but there is a rhythm that stays the same.
Everyone has time alone and time in a group every day. Just like me, my kids all have different temperaments. For my introverts, they need to work with others in the room. However, they also need time alone to refocus and recharge. For my extroverts, they need to understand the benefit of quiet and alone time as well as enjoy the fun of everyone being together. My youngest, at age 2, is already a definite extrovert. It is hard for her to be by herself. However, last year, I carved out 30 minutes on every homeschool day for her to practice playing by herself. She did not like it, but it benefited everyone. Even I take a time out after lunch to have my quiet and Bible study time. I put my little ones down to nap, my older children begin their school work again, and I grab a cup of coffee, and sit down with God.
It takes all kinds to make the world go around. Some of my kids excel at academics, some don’t. Some work well in groups, some don’t. Some thrive on schedule and organization; some (like me) are more creative and relaxed. After four years of homeschooling, this idea has become paramount: We are different, but we are good for each other. Oftentimes I wish I was more detailed-oriented or naturally organized. But God reminds me that He created me for a purpose. I can encourage my daughter who is very task oriented to notice people more and consider their feelings. However, she is good for me and helps me stay on task and inspires me to work on ways to improve my organization skills. This training in the home is very applicable in the world. In the church or in the workplace, we will encounter different personality types. In each situation, we can appreciate each of our strengths and learn from each other to improve on our weaknesses.

Maybe you can identify with some of the lessons I have learned in the last four years. Have you been trying to be someone you are not in your homeschooling? Have you accepted your kids for who they are, complete with the personalities God gave them? After these first years of homeschooling, there are still areas where I want to improve, but the lessons God has taught me about myself have been priceless.

Guest Post: The Heart of an Anxious Mom in the Hand of a Sovereign God

May 7, 2014 ~ Evan Lenow ~ 1 Comment

I was sitting on the conveyor belt in the baggage claim area of the Jackson International airport when the tornados came through Jackson, MS. The airport staff had directed us to take shelter there until the storms passed. I had already heard of the casualties in Arkansas, children who lost parents, parents who lost babies. My own mother was on the road somewhere in the storm trying to get home. As I sat there in the darkness, the familiar emotions of fear and worry consumed me. Immediately, though, I also felt God’s presence and reassurance that, “I am with you and will never leave you. I love you and the people you love and I have a perfect plan for each of your lives.”

There is something you must understand, though. This is not the first time the emotions of anxiety and worry have swept over me almost causing me to lose my breath. As a matter of fact, it wasn’t even the thousandth time. God’s sweet voice of reassurance is a tune I have come to know and claim as truth in my life. I struggled with fear and worry some as a child, much like other kids my age. I was scared of the house catching fire or snakes being in my bed.

However, it was not until I became a mother myself that I sat down at the banquet of anxiety.

Once I saw the positive pregnancy test, I instantly felt responsible for a life other than my own. After our first daughter was born, fear would overwhelm me as I was giving her a bath or rocking her in my arms. Some days I would only nibble at the banquet, knowing that most of my fears were irrational. However, other days I allowed myself to fully take in the diet of worry. On those days, my joy was lost. My thoughts of what “could” happen tumbled out of control if I was not careful. The Lord blessed us with more children, and with each one, the feeling of fear and anxiety continued like old, worn jeans that you know you should throw out, but keep around for comfort sake.

“What if I wasn’t paying attention and something happened to them?”

“What if I didn’t feed them the right things?”

“What if I didn’t do the right things to protect them?”

“What if we didn’t have the right toys/equipment/safety devices for them?”

At some point in time, all of these questions haunted me. However, I began to realize that all of my concerns had one common focus. Me.

The more I focused on myself and my abilities, the more I saw my shortcomings and faults. However, when I took my eyes off of myself and placed them on an almighty, powerful God, I began to see how the God who tends to the lilies can be trusted with all of my concerns. As my children grew, the Lord began to teach me magnificent truths that took me away from the banquet of anxiety and led me to the true Bread of Life where I can feast on His goodness.

God used 2 Timothy 1:7 many times to speak truth into my heart: “God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.” It is not God’s plan for us to consider ourselves crazy because we have irrational thoughts of worry. He has given us a sound mind. That means I can trust him as He leads me to make the right decisions throughout the day. If I am in a close walk with Him, He will guide my path and give me a sound mind.

In my life, the antidote to fear and worry has always been a deeper understanding and appreciation of the sovereignty of God.

For example, I cannot keep my children safe 100% of the time, but I know God loves them even more than I do and whatever He chooses to allow in their lives is for the purpose of His glory. In the same manner, I trust God for clarity of mind so that I can make the best decisions for my family that I can make. I forget things. I accidentally overlook things, but by the grace of God, His sovereignty more than makes up for my faults.

I praise God that he has taught me to recognize fear, worry, and anxiety in my life, not as mental issues, but as trust issues. The more I trust in the precious sovereignty of God, the more I am at peace with whatever He brings my way.

Guest Post: If My Work All Day Goes Unnoticed, Did It Really Matter?

April 4, 2014 ~ Evan Lenow ~ 2 Comments

We all know the age-old question, “If a tree falls in the middle of the forest, does it make any noise?” What is really being asked is this, “If something happens and a person does not see it, did it really happen?” Many days, this is a question that is unconsciously dancing in the back of my mind. As a wife and mom, many things I do are not observed by other people.

If no one sees my work, did I really do anything all day? And does it matter if I metaphorically “fall down” if no one witnesses it? The answer is a resounding YES in God’s eyes!

Even if no one is taking notice, we still have an audience of one.

Our culture presents a great temptation to constantly perform for others. The increased use of social media in the last few years has only heightened it. Everyone wants to stand out, be noticed, speak up, and have a voice. If we fade into the crowd, get overlooked, are ignored, or are silenced, we become discouraged and begin to believe that whatever we are doing must not matter. However, in God’s economy, the exact opposite is true.

All throughout Scripture, God shows favor on the unnoticed one. He uses the meek or common to make an extraordinary impact.

One of the greatest examples is the contrast set up between King Saul and King David. When Saul is first described, it is in comparison to other men. “There was not a more handsome person than he among the children of Israel. From his shoulders upward, he was taller than any of the people” (1 Sam 9:2). Saul was a man that others noticed. However, in regard to his heart before God, Samuel describes it as rebellious and stubborn and declares, “because you have rejected the word of the Lord, He also has rejected you from being king” (1 Sam 15:23).

Saul received the praise of men, but was rejected by God.

In contrast, when God chooses David to be king, he is lowly in comparison to his brothers. The fact that God had to instruct Samuel to “not look at his appearance or at his physical stature” (1 Sam 16:7) reveals that David might not have been too impressive in those categories. On the stage among peers, David might have been overlooked.

However, God is an audience of one, and he notices the heart and takes heed of actions and attitudes that go completely unnoticed by others.

David wrote many of the Psalms from the inside of a cave as he ran and hid from Saul. No one was there to hear his words. It was only him crying out to God. Alone. Now, let’s use the proverbial question at the beginning of this article, “If David cried out in a cave alone in the wilderness, did anyone hear him?” According to scripture, the answer is YES God heard him. God heard him and thought that David’s raw emotions and words were so powerful that He saw it fit to place them in Scripture as a testimony for all eternity of how we too can cry out to God in the deepest and darkest places.

In college, I had the privilege of studying under Dr. Les Hughes who is now the pastor of Highview Baptist Church in Louisville, KY. He wrote a book called, The Sound of God’s Applause that has been very powerful in my life and in the life of my husband. In one of his chapters, he asks several questions that encourage the reader to reflect on the question “Am I seeking the approval of people?” As I have read through those questions many times, I am constantly convicted about how much stock I put in other’s opinions of me.

I have found that, as my desire to please others increases, my concern over pleasing God decreases. As I put more and more stock in what others know of me, I put less and less importance on how God deeply knows me.

Even if no one else sees the work or deeds that I do, God sees.

Even deeper, He sees the attitude of my heart. I want to learn to truly serve others, expecting nothing in return. I desire to be content in doing good deeds, not for the applause of men, but for the pleasure of my Father. It does not matter if no one else takes notice; it is God’s applause that I crave.

Guest Post: If Paul Were on Facebook

March 18, 2014 ~ Evan Lenow

Vaccines. Education choices for our children. What we eat, what we don’t eat. Working moms, stay at home moms. Attachment parenting, Baby-Wise. Dating versus courtship. These words alone can make a woman’s blood begin to simmer without her even realizing it. They are the same things that make up what popular culture calls the “mommy wars.” Every woman has an opinion on these issues and no two women are completely in agreement.

Let’s just face it, ladies. We all think we are right and we have the articles to prove it.

But as sisters in Christ, the battles shouldn’t be between us, for if we use all of our ammunition on each other, we have none left to fight the spiritual battles of this world.

In Rome, during the times of Paul’s writings, the believers were under strong persecution. They were fighting for their lives, struggling for the ability to worship freely, and all the while sharing with non-believers the beautiful saving grace of Jesus Christ. It would be fair to say that they had to be on guard at all times against the enemy.

However, the believers were fighting another type of battle. One that wasn’t even necessary. Romans 14:2 and 5 say, “For one believes he may eat all things (meaning meat likely sacrificed to idols), and he who is weak eats only vegetables…. One person esteems one day above another; another esteems every day alike.” The Christians in Rome were disagreeing over what to eat and when to worship. At the time, these two issues were not paramount in God’s eyes and only causing strife and discord among the believers.

While we no longer argue over these issues, Romans 14 speaks volumes to all of us who find ourselves caught up bantering back and forth on issues that are not of eternal significance.

Paul has given us four things to consider before we enter into disagreements with other Christians on hot topic issues.

Check Your Attitude: Before Paul even gets going in chapter 14, he says in 13:13-14, “Let us walk properly…not in strife and envy. But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to fulfill its lusts.” When I see someone post something on social media that I disagree with, it is imperative that I immediately die to my flesh and not allow the door to open to strife. There is enough fighting all around us that we, as believers, do not need to join in the noise. “Blessed are the peacemakers.” Jesus says in Matthew 5:9. If our only goal is to argue, Paul calls that fulfilling the lusts of our flesh. That goal is not fitting for a child of God.
Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff: Paul goes on to instruct in Romans 14:1, “Receive one who is weak in the faith, but not to disputes over doubtful things.” Paul is telling the believers who ate meat to receive (fellowship with) those who only ate vegetables and not to argue with them about it. Most of us believe that whoever agrees with us is strong in the faith and those who disagree with us are weak. Out of our own arrogance, we consider ourselves the plumb line to spiritual strength. However, I love how the Holman Christian Standard Bible says in its study notes: “The believer who is weak in the faith is overly conscientious about matters not regulated by Christian revelation.” Are you overly concerned with proving your point on issues that aren’t paramount to the Christian faith? I understand that, as women, we must make up our minds about certain topics. It is important that we, along with our husbands, make decisions as to how our family works. However, where scripture does not have clear lines, we must also give grace freely to our sisters who might choose differently from us. Within our friendships, there is vast opportunity to encourage, love, and support. Let us discuss those topics on Facebook. Let us tweet out those announcements. Paul describes it this way in verse 19, “Therefore let us pursue the things which make for peace and the things by which one may edify another.
Everyone’s Convictions Are between Themselves and the Lord: “He who observes the day, observes it to the Lord; and he who does not observe the day, to the Lord he does not observe it. He who eats, eats to the Lord, for he gives God thanks; and he who does not eat, to the Lord he does not eat, and gives God thanks” (Romans 14:6). Our God is a personal God, and He desires to have a personal relationship with us. Within that wonderful, personal relationship, we have a great privilege to come before the Lord in prayer and humility and ask Him to guide us in certain choices. Just like Solomon, if we ask for wisdom, God will give it to us. I remember when my son was just a newborn. We were trying to make decisions about vaccines and there were millions of voices out there trying to tell us to what to do. We tried to gain wisdom from our doctors and family, but it seemed like everyone we asked gave us a conflicting opinion from the one before. Finally, just Evan and I discussed it and prayed for wisdom from God, and we made our decision. There will always be people that disagree with us, but we know we came to the best decision for our family after seeking the Lord’s wisdom.
Being right is not the ultimate goal: Our culture celebrates personal liberty. We are free to say anything we desire, especially in the world of social media. However, as believers, we must bind this liberty with the law of love. Paul admits to the Roman believers that, in regard to the meat they were discussing, nothing was unclean. However, if someone had a personal conviction and considered it unclean, to him it is unclean. He explains in verse 15, “Yet if your brother is grieved because of your food, you are no longer walking in love. Do not destroy with your food the one for whom Christ died.” Paul is saying that if someone has a personal conviction about an issue, it is not our job to argue with them or flaunt our freedoms. You might win the argument, but you have also destroyed a fellow sister in Christ.

If Paul were on Facebook, he would still be calling us to walk in love. Love is patient and love is kind…even on Facebook.