Tag: Family

Guest Post: Loving Well During the Holiday Season

~ Evan Lenow

SONY DSCThis is a guest post from my wife, Melanie. She originally wrote this post for Biblical Woman, the blog site for the Women’s Programs at Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary. The post originally appeared here.

“A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another. By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.” (Jn 13:34-35)

A few years ago, my family moved into an older house in a well-established neighborhood. One of my favorite views is looking out over my kitchen sink, because my neighbor has a beautiful red oak standing majestically in her front yard. This time of year that tree is set ablaze with every shade of red and orange. The owner of the house is a precious lady, a widow. She and her late husband were the original builders of their home and have lived there ever since. You better believe she has some stories to tell! Over the weekend, I was trying to hastily load the kids into the van with the goal of whisking them off to another practice, event, or rehearsal. I looked across the street and saw my sweet neighbor, whose hair is the same color of her stately oak, by the way, slowly walking down her driveway to pick up some trash that had blown in her yard.

Something made me stop and watch her for a moment. God brought to my mind the contrast between the two of us; me in my haste and her in her slow, intentional, deliberate motions. I knew a very busy season was ahead of me and it made me stop and reflect on my actions. I was reminded that the Lord created me for good works and to love others. However, loving others would not come naturally and good works would not happen this season unless I was intentional and deliberate in my actions, just like my sweet neighbor. Here are some ideas that have come to mind on how I want to love well during the holidays.

  1. Open My Eyes– It might not be realistic to slow down during the Christmas season. Many of our jobs or family commitments simply lend themselves to a full calendar. However, I want to open my eyes to those around me. As I go, I want to love others. As I drive carpool, I can show kindness to my children. As I check out at the grocery store, I can encourage those working. As I am shopping, I can ask the clerk how her day has been. It is so easy to be task-oriented. However, I want to stay people oriented, so that as I accomplish my to-do list, I am also making an impact for Christ on those around me.
  2. Notice the Needs– We have an ongoing joke in our family that goes something like this- “It’s not lost until momma can’t find it.” Yes, some people in my family are more observant than others. However, that same principle can go for the needs around us as well. Christ, on numerous occasions, took notice of a need that everyone else had ignored. He stopped to help the blind man. He stopped to help the woman with an issue of blood. He stopped to minister to the family who had lost their daughter. As I go about my days, intentionally opening my eyes, I want pay attention to observe the needs around me. Is someone lonely? Is someone discouraged? Could someone use some extra groceries or a special gift just for them? We can minister to others so deeply when we reach out to meet their needs.
  3. Give Much Grace– We all want the Norman Rockwell Christmas with the perfect family gathering of laughter and well-behaved children. We want our homes to look like something out of a magazine. We want to create precious memories with our children that will last a lifetime. These are all good desires, but bad idols. In the blink of an eye, a honorable desire gets out of hand when we put it above the people in our lives and above the God who created it all. Life happens, and in our quest for perfection, the slightest inconvenience can lead to irritation. Therefore, to love well means to shower much grace on those around you, and while you are at it, give yourself much grace as well. Be quick to forgive, even the slightest irritation, for joy is like treasure this time of year. Do not exchange the Joy of the Season for the root of bitterness. God has filled our cup with grace overflowing simply by sending His son as a baby to this Earth. Delight in that grace and forgiveness and love others just as well.

Religious Liberty as the Foundation for Pro-Life and Pro-Family Policies

~ Evan Lenow

Just over three weeks ago, I spent several days in Salt Lake City attending the World Congress of Families IX. I was privileged to speak during one of the plenary sessions on the closing day of the congress. The title of my session was “Religious Liberty as the Foundation for Pro-Life and Pro-Family Policies.” Video from my session (and many others) is now available on the WCF YouTube channel.

As part of my presentation, I noted that there are three distinct areas where we can see the influence of religious liberty in support of pro-life and pro-family policies. These three areas are marriage, healthcare, and education.

In my conclusion, I noted the following:

At the end of the day, religious liberty sets the foundation upon which we can build the best pro-life and pro-family policies. However, these policies are not simply going to come about because a nation has religious liberty protections. Such policies are still dependent upon people of faith exercising their beliefs in the public square to give a convincing argument for why God’s design for life and family is the most beneficial for the good of society. It is when people of faith practice their faith in a society that respects their right to freely exercise such faith that we will see the most effective pro-life and pro-family policies.

I was honored to be a part of the program for the World Congress of Families. The mission of WCF is to “provide sound scholarship and effective strategies to affirm and defend the natural family, thus encouraging a sustainable and free society.” This was the first congress held in the United States. I attended my first congress in Warsaw, Poland in 2007.

On a personal note, it was fun to “teach” a little Baptist history to such an ecumenical group. In fact, most of the questions I received throughout the rest of the day related to church history. It reminded me how little people know about the history of Christianity and how important it is to continue teaching our history as Christians (and Baptists).

Family Balancing: A New Trend in the Fertility Industry

~ Evan Lenow

One of the jobs I held in college was working for a fertilizer and weed control company. It was a family-owned small business with probably 8–10 employees. We met at the owner’s house around 7:00 a.m. to get our trucks and supplies and hit the road to make people’s yards look beautiful. The owner had six daughters who ranged in age from about 2 to 17 at the time. I once asked him what it was like to be the only man in a house with 7 women. His response was classic: “I get to hire all the sons I want and then fire them when I get tired of them.” Even though his response was in jest, it made me work a little harder on the job.

My former boss and other families like his would have been prime candidates for a procedure highlighted in today’s Wall Street Journal—family balancing. Sumathi Reddy reports:

About one out of five couples who come to HRC Fertility, a network of fertility clinics in Southern California, doesn’t need help getting pregnant. Instead, they come for what is called family balancing, or nonmedical sex selection. ‘They usually have one, two or three children of one gender’ and want their next child to be of the other sex, said Daniel Potter, medical director of HRC Fertility, which includes nine clinics.

The testing required to make such selection is called preimplantation genetic diagnosis (PGD). PGD is most often used during the in vitro fertilization (IVF) process to test for genetic diseases, but some clinics are now offering the testing in order for families to select the gender of their babies. Essentially, a woman can have IVF and request that the only embryos injected into her uterus be of a certain gender.

Interestingly, this practice of family balancing through PGD is only legal in a few countries, two of which are the U.S. and Mexico. There is also a difference of opinion among professional organizations on the ethical implications of the practice. The American Society for Reproductive Medicine states that fertility practices are under “no ethical obligation to provide or refuse to provide nonmedically indicated methods of sex selection.” However, the American Congress of Obstetricians and Gynecologists opposes the practice.

As with many aspects of the fertility industry, little thought has been given to the ethical ramifications of such practices. Let us consider two related to sex selection.

First, preferential sex selection for “family balancing” opens the door to eugenics.

The WSJ article notes, “Arthur Caplan, director of the division of medical ethics at New York University School of Medicine, said family balancing can become a smoke screen for families who want boys. ‘When you are treating the fertile in order to produce something that they prefer as opposed to a disease, I do think you’re really opening the door to a potential slope toward eugenics,’ Dr. Caplan said.”

My family would fall into the category of unbalanced. We have three girls and one boy. We know of other families with even greater imbalance. However, the gift of life is so precious that gender should not matter. I would not trade any one of my girls for another boy even if it meant we had achieved more balance.

Much like the result of the one-child policy in China, sex selection through PGD could end up producing an imbalance in genders for a generation or more. While the article describes the practice of balancing both genders in a family, at least one of the fertility clinics mentioned places no restrictions on sex selection even for the first child. If couples prefer one gender over another, they could select never to have any children of a particular gender.

The practice of eugenics has a long and ugly history (as I noted in a post a few years ago). The net result of American eugenics programs was those deemed undesirable by society were eliminated. What if girls are deemed undesirable because they are weaker? What if boys are deemed undesirable because they are troublesome? The use of preferential sex selection allows families to operate their own small-scale eugenics program.

Second, preferential sex selection for “family balancing” results in the destruction of unwanted children.

In order for PGD-based sex selection to work, IVF must be employed. The IVF process results in multiple fertilized eggs that develop into embryos. Those embryos are then genetically tested for gender and only those of the selected gender would be injected into the uterus. The remaining embryos could be frozen or discarded. If the purpose of sex selection is to provide “balance” to an already “unbalanced” family, then the embryos that do not match the preferred gender would most likely be discarded. In effect, this is the elimination of human life.

Even when they are not discarded, frozen embryo storage has become an ethical dilemma. Most estimates put the number of frozen embryos in the U.S. at over 600,000, although it is uncertain anyone knows the real number. Storage of frozen embryos costs roughly $500–1,000 per year. Many embryos are stored indefinitely or discarded when the responsible party no longer desires to keep them in storage or fails to pay the storage fees.

Since life begins at conception, these unwanted or frozen embryos are children who deserve a chance to live. However, the number of frozen and discarded embryos increases each year, resulting in the destruction of children who are “unwanted.” This is a tragedy that must be addressed. While some have promoted embryo adoption, the better option is probably to reevaluate the whole fertility industry that results in this tragedy.

The saddest line from the article came from the medical director of a fertility clinic in New York. The WSJ reports, “Joel Batzofin, medical director of New York Fertility Services in Manhattan, said about 20% of its patients come for sex selection. Nearly a third of them come from abroad. ‘If people want to avail themselves of the technology, why not?’ Dr. Batzofin said. ‘They’re not hurting anyone. They’re paying for it. [The American Society for Reproductive Medicine] thinks that it’s OK.’”

Technology without a moral compass is dangerous. In the case of “family balancing,” it appears we have crossed the moral line.

_________________________

Sumathi Reddy, “Fertility Clinics Let You Select Your Baby’s Sex,” The Wall Street Journal, 18 August 2015.

Baseball and the State of the American Family

~ Evan Lenow

William Baseball*The following is an excerpt from my article published by the Ethics & Religious Liberty Commission at Canon & Culture.

Two seasons ago, I took my dad to a Major League Baseball game. My parents had come to town for a visit, and I had two tickets to a game. My dad and I sat in the stands watching the Texas Rangers and talked. We talked about life and baseball—especially where they intersected. It was during that conversation that I learned my grandfather had been offered a contract to play Major League Baseball but opted not to play in order to get a job and support his family. We reminisced about trips to St. Louis to see Ozzie Smith and the Cardinals play. We reflected on my own time as a kid playing baseball while my parents watched from the bleachers. The game of baseball was a bond we shared as father and son.

Today many are wondering about the future of baseball. The participation rate among children is declining. Some blame the slow pace of the game. Others say there are no recognizable superstars compared to basketball and football. But some studies highlight another problem—family structure.

The rest of my article can be found at Canon & Culture.

Guest Post: Maybe You’re {Not} Supposed to Do It All

~ Evan Lenow

This is a guest post from my wife, Melanie. She originally wrote this post for Biblical Woman, the blog site for the Women’s Programs at Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary. The post originally appeared here.

“Take heed to the ministry which you have received in the Lord, that you may fulfill it.”
~Colossians 4:9

In our culture, moms are called on to do more than they have ever had to do before. While we also have more help with smartphones and fast food and efficient appliances, most moms feel the pressure of being spread too thin. The commitment to raise children, the commitment to our jobs (professional, volunteer, home-based, etc.) the commitment to our marriages, and the commitment to our homes can leave even the most organized woman drowning in over commitment.

At the very end of Colossians, almost as an aside, Paul adds a note to a fellow brother in Christ, Archippus. Paul addresses him by name and says to “take heed to the ministry which you have received in the Lord, that you may fulfill it.” This Archippus is thought to be Philemon’s son that is mentioned in Philemon 2, so it’s likely that he routinely hosted the church in his home and he was more than likely very involved in the church body overall. We are only left to speculate what Paul meant with this challenge to Archippus, but I do believe there are specific things that we, as moms, can glean from a simple statement by Paul.

  1. Take heed or pay attention– I know, as a mom, I can allow myself to be greatly distracted by everything. Without a plan, I can spend my day chasing rabbits or following the demand of the urgent. However, in our schedules, Paul reminds us to pay attention. We have to discipline ourselves to focus on what we are called to do.
  2. To your ministry– What are you called by God to do? We are most effective when we have a clear purpose and a clear goal. Take the time to pray about what God would have you to do. Discuss it with your husband. Without clear purpose, we leave ourselves open to the waves of whatever comes our way.
  3. Which you have received in the Lord- Where did you receive the call to do all the things you are trying to do? Ladies, this one is hard to accept, but it is imperative that we listen to what Paul is trying to say here. We can receive our “duties” from many different places, mainly other people, our kids, or our own selfish aspirations, just to name a few. But if we attempt to put on our plate every job that comes our way from any source, then we will be too tired and too distracted to actually hear what God is calling us to do. Make a list of all the responsibilities you have. Then, beside each responsibility write who gave you that job. If you ultimately did not receive it from the Lord, then, with much prayer and trust, begin working on releasing that job. Fellow mommas, the Lord has called us to great ministries and responsibilities. Only those that we receive from Him have eternal consequences. If God did not call you to a job, the stretch of your influence will be stunted in that position. Release it and take heed to those we have received from Him.
  4. That you may fulfill it – Doesn’t it feel good to complete something? For a mom, it’s a special treat. The only reason I like laundry is because there is a beginning (dirty clothes) and an end (clean clothes). It is a great feeling to see a job to its completion. God desires us to accomplish something, not to work aimlessly chasing everything that comes our way. If we will pay attention to only the ministry that we receive from God, then the feeling of accomplishment is within our grasp. Are you always starting and never completing anything? Maybe you are trying to do more than what the Lord has planned for you right now.

One of the biggest lies our culture tells us is that we can do it all and have it all right now. I know sometimes I listen to this lie and before I even realize it, I am working myself into a frenzy. As moms, the cost is too precious to waste our energy on tasks that are not from the Lord. I encourage you to join me in examining my own life and discipline myself to only heed the ministries that the Lord has given me that I might fulfill them to His glory.